brian_sanders

Now that filming has officially fucking wrapped, I think it necessary to have an unofficial wrap party. I've booked a suite at the Hilton Madison Monona Terrace for Saturday night. This party is for adults only, so no one under eighteen. Like most parties, this is open to cast and crew both and there will be food and alcohol, but feel free to bring whatever the fuck you want.

Filming wraps soon. Thank fucking god. I'm not going back to LA though, because of obvious reasons, but I do have to go next week for a few days. I have an audition for a movie that starts filming in July in Chicago. It's six weeks so for the last few weeks I'd be going back and forth from here to Chicago once the show starts filming, if it gets renewed of course. I wouldn't be surprised if the fucking network decided to jump ship. I've never seen a show lose so many fucking actors in one fucking season.

Private

Honestly, this season has been the fucking worst season of any show in the history of television. I don't have high hopes for a renewal. And it may be my imagination, which I know it isn't, but that fucking kid is avoiding me whenever he gets the fucking chance. He might think I haven't noticed, but I'm not fucking stupid. I've had enough assistants to know when one is trying to do his job and avoid me at the same time.

I'm sure I don't have to reiterate what happened Monday night and if you don't know yet then tough fucking luck. Ask someone else about it or go on almost any fucking gossip site. I had been starting to think that 2012 might not be as bad as 2011 was, but I guess I was fucking wrong there. I've been in the hospital more since October then I had in my entire fucking life before now. I'm supposed to go back to set tomorrow, but I have absolutely no drive to. I spent the last two days at the fucking hospital and truthfully I'd much rather be there tomorrow then on set. If the fucking big wigs have a problem with that then they can say it to my fucking face, because acting is the last fucking thing I feel like doing right now.

Back in Portage. Can you tell how excited I am? Wish I was still in LA, but Deuce goes back to school tomorrow so we had to be back. San Antonio wasn't bad; not that we really did much. Yesterday after I took Deuce by his mother's grave, I took him and Sean to dinner for Deuce's birthday then went back to the hotel to relax seeing as how we were leaving today. I feel like I've been awake for fucking days though because I didn't exactly sleep much Saturday night and only got a few hours of sleep last night. I'm going to crash after I take a shower so that I feel human again after that fucking flight. We sat on the fucking tarmac for over a fucking hour before we finally took off. So I plan on sleeping as long as possible tomorrow. No one had better call me before noon.

Spending New Years Eve in a hotel room in Texas with Sean because I'm dropping my nephew at Mal's in a few minutes. Getting some alcohol and ordering some room service when I get back then waiting for the ball to drop so we can say goodbye to fucking 2011. Don't expect 2012 to be any fucking better, but who knows, could surprise me.

Leaving on Wednesday night for LA. I can't wait to get away from this fucking cold. Is it just me or did the fucking temperature drop overnight? I'm not going to want to come back after New Years if I get used to the warmth in LA. Friday my agent is coming over to show me a few scripts for movies that are filming during the summer. I haven't done a movie since I started on Perfection so it might be nice if one of them is filming somewhere good. Well that and if one of them is actually good. I won't take just any role.

( Private to Sean )

[Private]
Fuck. Why did I do that? Inviting the kid to LA is not a good idea. How has this stupid kid gotten to me so much? I don't get attached to people, especially people I've fucked, but there's something about this fucking kid.

Speaking of stupid kids, Deuce is lucky I haven't shipped him off to Canada. He's also lucky that I wouldn't actually do that because I don't want to subject him to living with my parents. But seriously, raising a teenager is not all it's cracked up to be. I know he wants to go to San Antonio for a reason, but I don't know if I should give in after he lied. Maybe I'll go with him. At least then I can keep an eye on him.

Alejandro James Sanders, you're in so much fucking trouble when you get home from fucking school. And don't for a minute think I'm fucking joking.

Fucking hiatus is almost here. I can't wait to go back to LA for a few weeks. This place is just so fucking boring; with a few exceptions. Anyway, I made our arraignments today for LA and I'll be counting down the fucking days until I'm on that plane. I'm just hoping for a few days of uninterrupted quiet where I can unwind from all the crazy shit that has happened in the last six months. This time last year I wasn't nearly as fucking anxious about going back as I am this year.

Well that was a fucking experience. I've never seen so many instances of blatant lip-syching before in my life. Surprised none of those fucking protesters showed up. We all know how much they enjoy boycotting the show. Would have been a perfect opportunity for them to get some publicity, because that's all they want.

We're on our way back to the hotel now and I must admit, that suites are pretty fucking nice. Kind of surprised the show shelled out the dough. I was convinced they were going to try to stick us in regular rooms, but two bedrooms and a living area is pretty fucking nice.

[Deuce]
Deuce, are you seeing Mal's family tonight after dinner? I want to go out, but want to make sure you're not going to be alone.

Apparently tomorrow Andi has a doctor's appointment and wants both me and Viv there, because it'll be the first time seeing the baby. I don't really see what the big deal is about me being there, cause it's not as if this will be the only ultra sound, but I told her I'd go if it'd make her happy. Now I just have to survive the death glares from Viv.

We're leaving for New York Wednesday afternoon. I'll be glad to get out of fucking Portage for a few days; too bad we weren't staying longer. I honestly can't wait for fucking hiatus so I can go back and spend some time in LA and away from all the shit that's been going on here.

( Text sent to Deuce Sanders from set )

***

( Text sent to Sean Samuels )

Somebody fucking shoot me. Raising a teenager is the last fucking thing I ever wanted to do. I don't know if he's acting out to get my attention or just thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants because his mother is dead and his father is an asshole, but if this keeps up then I'll be forced to ship him off to my fucking parents and then god knows what he'll do.

He doesn't tell me a fucking thing either. I had to find out from fucking Mallory's father that Deuce has them taking care of selling the house in Texas and they were responsible for having the car sent up here. Fucking kid needs a reality check if I'm going to be his legal guardian.

Hey, Aid, I thought that I was going to be the first you called when you decided you liked cock.

I need whatever information I can get on the school system around here; especially the high school. I would have asked Sean considering he's still young enough to remember high school, but the fucking kid took the day off.

Just what this show needs, an old queen. They honestly think that will save this fucking show after everything that's happened this season? It'll be a miracle if we don't get cancelled before the end of the year.

Well that was a fucking fun conversation. One of my mother's friends apparently e-mailed her the pictures that were leaked and she's extremely disappointed in me and shit. Like I fucking care. I've been a disappointment to them since I was fucking born so why would I give a fuck what she thought about pictures of me getting my cock sucked on the internet? She asked me what the articles meant when they said the asshole stole my phone after we'd hooked up and I told her they meant after we'd fucked and I think she almost had a fucking heart attack on the phone. She's always played dumb to the rumors, not wanting to believe that her son likes cock as well as pussy. I don't expect to hear from my father, because chances are he doesn't even know what's going on.

On the fucking bright side, my lawyers have tracked down the asshole and he'll be getting a visit from the Portage PD first thing in the morning. During our break tomorrow I'll be going to make sure it's him then the asshole will wish he never met me.

[backdated to this morning]

Very funny, you little fucker. Give me back my phone.

Well that was a really fucking fun conversation I just had with my manager. Turns out it was that fucking twink that stole my phone and he's smarter then he looked and has sold some of the pictures that were on my phone. Andi, Viv, chances are your people have been contacted by this dickhead by now and I expect TMZ or Entertainment fucking Tonight to have a story in the next twenty four hours.

Fuck!

Shit! I lost my fucking phone somewhere. I had it this morning then when I got back to my place tonight it wasn't in my fucking pocket. I can't remember the last place I used it either. Great, all those fucking contacts are now gone. I'd better be able to get them from my manager. Sean, looks like you've got yourself a job tomorrow. I need a new phone. I need a drink.

For anyone who might be wondering after seeing today's paper, no I have no fucking idea where Allison is or why she hasn't shown up. Never would have pegged her for the type to skip out on her responsibilities like some other actors who shall remain nameless for the time being.